Thursday, February 23, 2017

body swap dream.. nothing happened

So this was my dream the other night.  Like most dreams, there's not a lot of setup, and usually things aren't explained, it's sort of known knowledge (like you're being told the story via telepathy).  Anyway, I was at some sort of clinic and they had proposed to me that there was a girl that was looking to body swap with a man (permanently).  For whatever reason, the rules were that neither person swapping could know anything about the other (no medical history, age, height, didn't even know what that person looked like).  The doctor stepped away, and I snuck a peek at her file.  She was half my age, fit and beautiful, I had nothing to lose.  Yet.. even in a dream where it was only temporary,  I couldn't commit to it.  I told the doctor no, and left.  For the rest of the dream I had nothing but regret about what could have been.  For some reason I was also naked (in my male body) in public, and everytime I passed by a reflective surface I looked at my body and didn't like what I saw.  Now that's not to say I hated my gender, I think I hated my out of shape body more than anything, but I did imagine what it would be like in that female body.

Friday, February 3, 2017

trapped in the closet sucks

So a couple things...

First off, with the LGBT rights almost overruled by Trump (ironically his daughter helped save it)

There's been of course a lot of postings on facebook about supporting it.  You have no idea how badly I want to come out and say "hey everyone, the LGBT community you're supporting, I'm one of them!".  I'm not ready to come out, don't know that I ever will be.  Don't think anyone really knows where their life will take them.

Secondly, I was at the goodwill today.  I'm going on a business trip and I wanted to get a few more casual shirts so it's usually my goto.  I was checking out, and the cashier next to the one I was at sounded clearly like a man (perhaps a slight twang, like might have been gay).  I look over, and it looked like a woman without makeup (hair tied back, femme face, plump lips, etc etc).  Now if I had to guess, it's either a gay man that happens to have those features (drag queens are often gay men that happen to fit the role), or it's someone that's secretly transitioning that hasn't crossed over.  All I could think about is how badly I wanted to see him in drag.  I know that sounds weird, but I was so curious what he looked like as a woman.